Welcome, brave souls, to the ultimate guide on how NOT to implement maintenance tools and systems.
In the world of maintenance, there are countless ways to ensure success, but where’s the fun in that?
This guide is for those who prefer a more adventurous path—one paved with pitfalls, chaos, and endless headaches.
Whether you’re an experienced professional looking for a laugh or a newbie ready to learn from (non-existent) mistakes, you are in for a treat.
Maintenance is often seen as the backbone of any operation, ensuring everything runs smoothly and efficiently. But what if you decided to throw caution to the wind? What if you embraced the thrill of last-minute fixes, ignored best practices, and welcomed pandemonium with open arms?
So, buckle up and prepare for a humorous dive into the do’s of don’ts in maintenance. Remember, this guide is all in good fun. After all, sometimes the best way to learn is by knowing exactly what NOT to do.
Enjoy the ride, and may your maintenance mishaps be plentiful (but in reality, may you avoid them entirely!).
CLIT (Cleaning, Lubrication, Inspection, Tightening)
Step 1: Ignore Schedules
Forget about regular cleaning, lubrication, inspection, and tightening schedules. Do these tasks only when something breaks. Reactive maintenance is way more exciting!
Step 2: Skip Documentation
Why document anything? Rely on memory and verbal communication. It’s not like precise records and consistency matter.
Step 3: Use Improper Tools
Use whatever tools you find lying around. Who cares if they are not the right ones? Improvisation is the mother of invention, after all.
PM (Preventive Maintenance)
Step 1: Avoid Planning
Don’t create a preventive maintenance schedule. Just wait until equipment fails. It’s more thrilling to operate in crisis mode.
Step 2: Ignore Manufacturer’s Recommendations
Manufacturers’ guidelines are just suggestions. Disregard them completely. Your gut feeling is a much better guide.
Step 3: Cut Corners
Perform the bare minimum of maintenance tasks. Skipping steps saves time and resources, right?
RCA (Root Cause Analysis)
Step 1: Skip the Analysis
When something breaks, fix it without investigating why. Who needs to understand root causes? If it breaks again, just fix it again.
Step 2: Blame Individuals
Instead of looking for systemic issues, blame individual employees. It’s easier and makes for great scapegoating.
Step 3: Avoid Collaboration
Don’t involve a team in RCA. One person’s perspective is more than enough. Groupthink is overrated.
History Card
Step 1: Forget Consistency
Record information randomly and inconsistently. Incomplete and haphazard entries add a layer of mystery to your maintenance records.
Step 2: Use Paper Only
Stick to paper records that can easily get lost or damaged. Who needs digital records that are easily accessible and backed up?
Step 3: Avoid Updates
Once you create a history card, never update it. Past records are good enough, even if the equipment has undergone changes or repairs.
Spare Parts Management
Step 1: Overstock Everything
Buy spare parts in bulk without considering actual needs. Overstocking creates a wonderful maze in your storage area.
Step 2: Skip Inventory Management
Don’t track spare parts inventory. Let chaos reign in the storage room. It’s like a treasure hunt every time you need a part.
Step 3: Ignore Quality
Purchase the cheapest parts available. Quality doesn’t matter as long as they’re inexpensive. Frequent replacements keep things lively.
Spare Parts Forecasting
Step 1: Randomly Guess Needs
Order spare parts based on guesses, not forecasts. Precision is for perfectionists.
Step 2: Ignore Lead Times
Don’t consider lead times. Parts will magically arrive just in time.
Step 3: Avoid Supplier Relationships
Don’t build relationships with suppliers. They’ll always prioritize you anyway.
Maintenance KPIs
Step 1: Don’t Define KPIs
Operate without key performance indicators. If you don’t measure anything, you’ll never know how badly things are going.
Step 2: Avoid Regular Reviews
If you do set KPIs, never review them. Set them and forget them. Performance will magically improve on its own.
Step 3: Use Irrelevant Metrics
Measure things that don’t matter. Focus on irrelevant data to give a false sense of accomplishment.
CMMS (Computerized Maintenance Management System)
Step 1: Skip Training
Implement the CMMS without training your team. They can figure it out themselves. Intuitive systems don't need training, right?
Step 2: Ignore Customization
Use the default settings without considering your specific needs. Customization is for perfectionists.
Step 3: Avoid Regular Updates
Never update your CMMS software. Let it run on outdated versions. If it’s not broken (yet), why fix it?
Predictive Maintenance (PdM)
Step 1: Ignore Data Collection
Don’t bother setting up sensors or collecting data. Predictions can be made on gut feelings.
Step 2: Skip Analysis
If you do collect data, don’t analyze it. Raw data is beautiful and should remain untouched.
Step 3: Neglect Equipment Condition
Ignore the actual condition of your equipment. Predictive maintenance is about looking ahead, not what's happening now.
5S (Sort, Set in Order, Shine, Standardize, Sustain)
Step 1: Forget Sorting
Mix all tools and parts together. Searching for tools builds character.
Step 2: Avoid Setting in Order
Let everyone decide their own way of organizing. Consistency is boring.
Step 3: Shine Occasionally
Clean only when there's an inspection. Otherwise, a bit of dirt adds character to the workplace.
Step 4: Skip Standardization
Standards are for robots. Each person should have their unique way of doing things.
Step 5: Sustain? What's That?
Never follow up or review your 5S practices. One-time efforts are sufficient.
TPM (Total Productive Maintenance)
Step 1: Don't Involve Operators
Exclude machine operators from maintenance activities. They’re there to operate, not maintain.
Step 2: Ignore Training Needs
Training is a waste of time. Everyone should already know everything.
Step 3: Avoid Continuous Improvement
Stick to the old ways. New improvements are unnecessary.
Reliability-Centered Maintenance (RCM)
Step 1: Avoid Detailed Analysis
Skip the detailed analysis of equipment functions and failure modes. Broad strokes are good enough.
Step 2: Ignore Failure Data
Why bother with historical failure data? Predictions can be made on the fly.
Step 3: Disregard Cost-Benefit Analysis
Implement changes without considering the costs. Money is no object!
Autonomous Maintenance
Step 1: Don’t Empower Operators
Keep maintenance tasks strictly in the hands of maintenance staff. Operators shouldn’t touch the equipment.
Step 2: Skip Simple Tasks
Avoid training operators in basic maintenance tasks. Complexity ensures job security.
Step 3: Ignore Teamwork
Maintenance and operations should work in silos. Collaboration is overrated.
Condition-Based Maintenance (CBM)
Step 1: Forget Monitoring
Don’t bother with monitoring equipment conditions. Wait for failures to occur.
Step 2: Use Generic Thresholds
Apply the same maintenance thresholds to all equipment. Specificity is too much work.
Step 3: Avoid Predictive Tools
Use outdated tools and methods. Modern predictive tools are too expensive and unnecessary.
FMEA (Failure Modes and Effects Analysis)
Step 1: Skip Team Efforts
Conduct FMEA alone. Team inputs are just noise.
Step 2: Ignore Past Failures
Don’t review past failures. Focus only on hypothetical scenarios.
Step 3: Disregard Action Plans
Identify failure modes but don’t create action plans. Awareness is enough.
By following these extended steps, you'll ensure every aspect of your maintenance program is a complete disaster. Remember, the key to failure is to neglect planning, collaboration, and continuous improvement. Embrace the chaos and enjoy the ride!
